Sex is a complex subject involving many different psychological drives emotional, physical and cultural (and religious), addictive in nature very few people can say they have never made a mistake when it comes to sex, as do very few people completely understand how feelings of desire are interlinked with shame in our subconscious mind and how these intense feelings are triggered before and after sex.
I had a life coaching session last week with a thirty something singleton desperate to stop her biological clock ticking, who was telling me she had slept with her best friend’s husband after an impulsive moment in a hotel.
She had bumped into him in a hotel bar on a wet windy Monday lunchtime after lunching clients and already tipsy with a hidden crush for years on her friend’s husband, she threw cation to the wind, impulsively suggested getting a room and some pink champagne. The guy in question bit her hand off and her frock before they aggressively had sex without much feeling or chat afterwards, her words. When he dressed and left her alone in the room to pick up the tab after an emergency call from his wife, her friend, she needed to see me. She felt absolutely terrible.
She asked me if she should tell her best friend and risk losing her forever, branded a marriage wrecker or talk to the husband and make a pact to erase all memory of what happened then carry on as normal.
It is tricky to imagine being able to find the courage to do the right thing, when the wrong thing would give you a more desired result but the truth is universal and what goes around comes around, so I just gave her some common sense, Shirley speaks, advice regarding infidelity.
Confess, apologise and accept the consequences.
This is just one example of impulsive sex however the intense desire to throw your car keys and your dignity into a proverbial pot when you are high or heady with eye contact, flirting and foreplay is familiar to anyone who has cheated, embarked on an affair, or just likes having one night stands. Acting on a sexual impulse when you are drunk, means you are not thinking and more than likely making a massive mistake. Acting on an impulse when you are sober and thinking straight is a completely different story. Thinking something through properly when it comes to sex, giving yourself and your body the respect you both deserve, means you will never make a mistake. Simple!
Photo by: Cyrus Crossen Unsplash