How do I build self confidence and boost self esteem?
The truth is to become a Venus Cow you have to want to be thin more than you want the cream cake. Of course it's a metaphor. You need self discipline to have self confidence but self discipline only works if you have first assessed you have none. Excuses create negativity which in many ways fills us with the lack of confidence we so despise, affecting our thoughts, feelings, behaviour and body image. Low self esteem and lack of confidence will only leave you more anxious, discouraged, passive and afraid.
If you say you have no confidence, that is how you will behave. So how do we overcome the barriers to maximise our potential and be more comfortable with people, improve our appearance and make huge differences in our daily life?
We begin by telling ourselves the truth. Look in the mirror and describe what you see. Once you have done this, recognise it is only your opinion you have to worry about. What others think of you is irrelevant in reality as only you can change the outcome.
If you feel fat, frumpy and forgotten focus on what you do well and be honest about yourself and who you are. Accept your mistakes in the past as part of your growth process, with wisdom comes insight, with insight comes change and with change comes happiness. We only know what we know until we know something else.
Venus Cow says “If you hate your nose so much it is destroying your life take a look at someone who has no nose and decide who is worse off.”
If you are painfully shy and rarely come out of your house imagine what it is like for a prisoner, locked up without the key. You have the key to open an action driven life. Wake up tomorrow and make an effort with your appearance, even if you only wash your hair and put on some lipstick. Make it your mission to talk to a complete stranger. Don’t let others walk all over you or force you into something you don’t feel happy about. You are in charge of you and you only. As they say, Don’t worry, be happy.
To build your self esteem try something new and embrace change as something fun and exciting, not something to be afraid of. Your life is a work in progress so shape it with action and positive energy. Find something you are good at. Volunteer for something so you can practise, getting ready, meeting new people, being sociable, feeling worthwhile, useful, giving you a purpose and something to look forward to.
It is a well known fact having no purpose in your life leads to depression. Remember life is a journey not a destination.
Depression can be triggered by a dramatic change in circumstances like death, having a baby, divorce, losing money or status, usually steming from feeling unhappy and disappointed, not getting what you want or what you believe you deserve. So lower your expectations immediately, nurture humility and acceptance, expect nothing from others and everything from yourself recognising and acknowleding you are the CEO of your life and you only get out what you put in.
Venus Cow says, "Prepare yourself for success."
If you are nervous, fumbling, shy and uncomfortable every time you find yourself in a social situation or under pressure at an interview or in a business meeting, the key is to remember a self confident attitude will inspire confidence in you into others, so you set the pace. Gaining the confidence of others will help you find success and the good news this is a skill that can be learned, so start to believe in your own ability.
Remember we are all the same at the end of the day. No one is better than you, more powerful than you or has more value than you. Go to your journal and begin to make a list of everything you believe to be right about you regardless of what others think. This may take time. If you cannot think of anything immediately, you're responsible, you're loyal, you're dependable, you're kind, focus on giving yourself some empathy and compassion in your meditation so your good qualities can rise to the surface, we've all got something we're good at.
Learning to challenge yourself, taking risks and going that extra mile to achieve your desired goal is the key to self confidence.
Grow your own self esteem by making a list of what you have already achieved in your life even if the only thing you've ever done is graduate High School. Congratulate yourself, acknowledge areas of weakness, nobody's perfect then work on developing your strengths to achieve your next small goal. Keeping expectations low and realistic, when the goal is completely unrealistic you will manifest feelings of disappointment and feelings of failure automatically.
You have the right to be happy, you deserve to be happy and you have everything at your disposal to feel happiness in real time. You just have to change what you do to get the result you desire.
Venus Cow says, "You can do it."
Photo by: Dale de Vera