I see and talk to many men in therapy and a lack of intimacy in their relationships is the number one reason men tell me they feel unhappy and feel inclined to cheat. 

Men I know are simple creatures with simple needs, like fuck me and feed me, so it is no wonder relationships and marriages are crumbling, when the women in their lives are expecting a perfect Prince to make it all better by changing, only to end up with him, hen pecked to death and her withholding sex as the ultimate punishment.

This expectation of you, to be able to know what a woman is thinking without her communicating her needs and desires, is the reason most men fail to get the end result of fabulous primal love making without inhibitions, headaches and not tonight darling moments. Good communication and fabulous quality well thought out surprise presents, including occasional flowers delivered with a love message, will be enough to ensure she feels loved and appreciated, which is all women need when the fairy-tale doesn't have such a happy ending after all.

Relationships are not easy because with two, there is always a compromise, so being part of a partnership means you gradually lose individual thinking and often need to create a second life in order to get through the first one.  Escapism is nothing more than a plaster over a fragmented relationship that started out all sex and more sex but ended up like an old pair of slippers, something comfortable but boring.

My advice for men and this is to any man who is in this situation of not wanting to leave the woman they share a life with but wanting to have sex more than monogamy, is to not create a second life but deal with the one you have by being the man the woman thought she had married and not the man she has turned you into.

Photo by: Erik Vitsoe