To ever be truly happy we have to understand what happiness is and how it makes us feel because how can we ever wish for happiness when we are feeling depressed, broke and fat. Happiness is not just a feeling you have when you get what you want, it’s a feeling you still have after you have got what you want, something that is consistent with longevity.
You finally get yourself a new house and for a while you are walking on air but it is not long before you become unhappy again because happiness is not an event, it’s a state of mind. People often think happiness comes from the things they acquire or achieve, "If only I had the right job, a better car, a new boyfriend, my life would be happy." but as I said before the secret to happiness is not getting what you want but still wanting after you have got it.
Happiness is not just a mental state of wellbeing; it’s also about letting go of the selfish needs you desire for yourself, by being kinder and more generous with others, asking for nothing for yourself. Being selfless is an art which if mastered sets you free from disappointment and regret, two things which cause massive internal misery and keep you stuck in a rut and depressed.
Most people believe if they won the lottery they would immediately be elevated to unthinkable happiness levels but they would be very wrong because we have to be happy poor to ever be happy rich. Money does not buy you happiness, only stuff, so stop looking outward for an instant fix and try looking inward for your solution.
Happiness comes from mastering the art of appreciation and learning to enjoy what you have, which is not the stuff you have acquired but things like your health, your family, your friends and your life. Most people prefer to remain in a state of being comfortable, unhealthy and depressed, rather than facing the uncomfortable prospect of changing. Learning anything new is not easy and takes much practice and being happy is no different, you have to make the effort. Happy people are always positive, energetic and ambitious, never stopping doing in order to complain, moan or bitch about others because projecting blame is pointless.
Go to your journal and make a list of all the things you appreciate in your life, like your health, your teeth, your child, your car etc then be thankful and feel true gratitude in your heart. This will immediately make you feel happier and if you practice doing this everyday, you will become even more happy. You must be conscious of all your blessings in order to be able to appreciate and identify whatever new blessings come along, so make this a daily practice.
We must never be grateful to anything that promotes greed, a feeling of entitlement, because not being truly grateful, is a selfish act and the human mind rewards such acts with continuous pain and with no where to hide.
So if being happy is as simple as just appreciating what you have, why are so many of us unhappy?
The truth is, in our current “want it now” culture, we have all contracted some form of status anxiety, an illness of the mind not really talked about by anyone but affecting millions of people everywhere. Status Anxiety is all about what others think about us, which is so wrong, when seeking personal happiness because even if you get bigger and better than your neighbours, the Jones, they are likely to have an even worse case of status anxiety than you and out do you.
Being judged as to whether you are a success as a human being or not by the car you drive or the trainers you wear, is stupid. The reason people do it is because we believe others will like us more, if we have plenty of status, go figure! You could be wearing a brand new pair of shiny designer trainers and think you are cock of the pen but in reality have nicked them or are paying for them from a pay day loan or catalogue. You may have a massive house with two flash cars, kids in private school and exotic holidays in the sun twice a year but behind the curtains, you are drinking yourself to death every night because you are hocked up to the hill and desperate to divorce your partner.
Envy is a toxic emotion and can over power us and turn us into greed hungry, sad green eyed monsters, who instead of admiring money, reputation, looks or status, end up always becoming the self destructive element inside with little self worth. If you are not able to stop comparing yourself to others, run through some life experiences where you have come out on top, been the winner and never be ashamed because you don’t earn as much as the next man, it’s wasted energy.
Photo by: Jamie Brown Unsplash